asthehawkflies | [#000] Appointments

[There's something sickeningly satisfying about seeing his reflection fracture and split like that. He's sure that a psychologist would have a field day with that. He goes to grab another arrow, and she's chosen well. Modified thermite arrow.

The mirror melts into puddles of glass and foil.

He lets out a soft huff of breath when she says that and shakes his head.]

But things have changed. And I don't know what to do with that.

If you can change the situation, do so. If you cannot? Accept that. To do otherwise is somewhat maddening.

[Another plain arrow, another target, voice as low and gentle as she can manage. She's no Obi-wan, she's certainly no Luke, but this much she can say.]

It's not something that can be done easily, especially if you've spent most of your life doing the opposite. I still have trouble on occasion. But...it's something to keep in mind.

I don't even know if I want them to change. I just...

[He stops, grabs another arrow and takes out a string of lights. The glass smashes in a pleasing way, shattering around them in glittering shards.]

I have a rock. One person I can rely on. One person who I would do anything for, who would do anything for me. Who knows me better than anyone else, even SHIELD.

My home.

And now something's shifted and the foundation is uneven and I forgot what it was like to be so unstable. And I don't know if I even want to go back to how things were. But going forward is... it's terrifying.

Clint...

[She looks over to him, lips pressed in a thin line. It'd been the best choice at the time, leaving the village for the shift. But to be gone was to be unaware, uninformed, and miss on whatever upheaval that has Clint so very unsettled. And not only him, the rest of those she knew and cared for in the village. Loki had yet to reply to her message, she has yet to sort things out with Derek though he's more of a patient, she has no idea what it was that happened to Sabriel or Saori or Helios-

and she doesn't know what to say to help. It'd taken months for her to get over her first Valentines. For something so innocuous it changes so much. Subtle and sly and nothing seems right anymore. That much she can relate to somewhat, but the rest? She can't begin to imagine.]

...the time away will probably help.

[He winces at the tone of her voice because this wasn't what he'd wanted. He's sick of hurt feelings and confusion. Part of him wishes that he'd just gone away before the whole thing happened, stuck it out in the woods or the mountains for the duration.]

I hope so. I'm terrible with feelings. They've always been something bad, a weakness. An inconvenience to the people around me, and to myself, mostly.

I don't date. I don't get involved because it's dangerous. I don't get attached.

And now I'm here. And nothing works right anymore.

Join the club. We have badges and jackets.

[It feels flat and she wonders for a moment if she's said this before. At the moment she can't quite recall.]

This place has a way of turning everything sideways or inside out. But...you can still shoot, yes? You can stand, you can speak, and while the way is uncertain you may yet still walk. Sometimes that has to be enough.

[Even if it has been said before, it gets a laugh out of him, strained and bitter though it might be. At least she understands that confusion.]

Yes, I can shoot. It's who I am. Who I've always been.

[The day he can't shoot is the day that he's done. He knows that.]

I can't lose her, Adele, I can't lose Tasha. We've been through hell together and it's this that makes us unable to face each other.

Edited 2013-03-09 23:02 (UTC)

...whether or not I can say anything useful on the situation depends a great deal on what 'this' is. Did the two of you...sleep with one another?

[She said she wouldn't ask, and whatever happened, good or ill, she won't hold it against him. But. Saori.]

[He lets out a slow breath. And Adele's probably the wrong person to be talking to about this, but he doesn't know who else he could talk to.]

Yeah, we did.

...I think at one point we may also have got married to Coulson but things got a bit... fuzzy after a while.

...You married Phil.

[And now she truly regrets not seeing that, because oh, the blackmail material.]

Did you wear white?

[He can't help it, he laughs, more genuine than he's managed all day.]

Seriously? This is what you're focusing on?

I can't remember. Maybe? I do know there was a robot that looked like Elvis did the ceremony.

As someone I would consider family and the extensive list of ridiculous priorities that comes with that- yes. That is what I focus on. That and the fact I wasn't invited.

[She cracks a smile, glad for the laugh.]

An elvis wedding? Clint you can do so much better than an Elvis wedding.

[He feels a little warmed by that. Family. He has some kind of family here. It's easy to forget.]

Well, it was kind of a spur of the moment thing. We didn't exactly go for planning otherwise I swear, I would've let you give me away at the altar.

[He snorts softly at that, shaking his head.]

Coulson's idea! I swear.

I would have expected Phil to have better taste. Promise me if you do wed anyone you'll not have it done quite like that, mm?

[Lighter, easier conversation. Simpler than worrying about loss or uneven footing. It may not solve anything but...he's smiling. That is worth something.]

I think he was drunk. I think we all were. Although... I hadn't really been drinking now I think about it.

[Huh. Maybe Tony hadn't been wrong about the food being spiked.]

In the unlikely event of me getting married, I'm probably gonna elope. A big celebration would just leave me on edge.

Too many people, too many rules.

[She waves a hand.]

It probably wasn't the alcohol. Last year it was fruit. This year I think it may have been chocolate.

Too difficult to do the security.

[Which was a big deal for him, even if it seemed ridiculous.]

I was gonna say. My alcohol tolerance isn't that bad. The chocolate though... yeah, that makes sense.

As such I've cut it from my diet. I do not drink, I do not smoke, I've stopped eating chocolate-

[She aims, draws, and fires at a far target, muttering.]

This is the healthiest I've ever been.

[He gives an amused little snort, shaking his head.]

Careful there. You're dangerously close to becoming a paragon of virtue.

I'm still friends with you, am I not? That should balance out the rest.

Charming. Really. I'm obviously a terrible influence.

I'm shooting up simulated bottles of alcohol. I'd say you most certainly are.

[Aim, draw, release, grin.]

And I am glad for it.

Hey, shooting stuff up is a totally reasonable coping mechanism.

[He grins back, nocking another arrow.]

You're a good friend, Adele. I'm grateful.

I never said it wasn't.

[And while nothing is anymore certain for him than when she first wrote, he seems in better spirits. And that, for her, is more than enough.]

Give it time. You'll get tired of my bitching eventually.

[He feels a little better, at least for now. It doesn't make anything clearer, but maybe a little more manageable. He doesn't feel like the world might collapse.]

It hasn't happened yet and I've been here what? Six months?

Damn that's scary.

[#000] Appointments

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