asthehawkflies | [#000] Appointments

[Bucky feels like he could take a swing at Clint right then and there, but as Clint has thoroughly proven, violence isn't going to get through his thick head. He knows when someone is asking for it, too, and if Clint wants to keep beating himself up? The last thing Bucky will do is help him do it.

He picks the bandages up again and gets back to work just to give his hands something else to do.]

Right, of course, my mistake. Sounds like you know exactly what you're doing. So did it help so much you're itching for round two already?

Edited 2013-03-08 14:02 (UTC)

[It's like the fight goes out of him when Bucky says that, shoulders slumping, and he stays still and quiet as he continues bandaging the wounds. He does want a fight, wants something more than faceless soldiers and he'd normally spar with Natasha when he got like this but she... that's the problem isn't it. He's compromised when it comes to her right now.]

I went out there to clear my head. Came back more tied up in knots than I had been.

[He can feel the fight go out of Clint when he slumps, and he lets the irritation drain out of him too. He squeezes an unbruised part of Clint's shoulder before he goes back to work.]

No kidding. So what now?

[Now that he's not spoiling for a fight, he feels so very very tired, the aches and pains of the last couple of weeks catching up with him in one go.]

If I knew that, I wouldn't be trying to pick fights.

I'm gonna make a crazy suggestion here: talk to her. I know it's not easy, but you're not the only one who can't find your head in all this. She loves you, you know. Whatever that means for you two.

[He doesn't need to ask who he means, or even how Bucky knows this is what it's about. What else could it be?

He's silent for a moment though.]

I love her. I thought I understood what we were to each other, but now... I feel like the ground's been pulled out from under my feet.

Who'd have thought loving someone and being in love with 'em could be so... [He wants to say 'different,' but it was the same in a lot of ways too. When he speaks again, it's almost inaudible.] Terrifying.

[He starts re-packing the first aid kit. If Clint doesn't do anything too exciting for a while, he might make do without the stitches.] Get some rest, Barton. You look like you're gonna fall over any minute.

The movies always make it look so easy.

[He gives a small smile but it doesn't last long.]

I don't have anyone else besides her. I just... I can't lose her. It would kill me.

[He lets out a soft huff of breath that might be laughter when Bucky gives him medical advice.]

Is that your professional opinion, doc?

[He gives Clint a slight smile in agreement.]

Then why are you telling me all this? I'm not your girl.

[He knows why of course, but this is something Natasha should hear, not him.

At Clint's quip, Bucky tosses a small roll of bandages at his forehead.] That's my professional opinion. You want another one?

Edited 2013-03-10 23:15 (UTC)

She's not my anything. And it's complicated.

[It would change everything. And he cares a lot for Saori.

He doesn't even bother trying to dodge the bandages, just gives Bucky an unimpressed look.]

Oh please, hit me with your wisdom.

[Bucky raises an eyebrow, but he doesn't comment on that.]

It's less fun when you like it. Hand that back here.

[There's a brief pause.]

For the record, are we alright?

What can I say? I live to ruin your fun.

[He passes the bandages back, his smile a little more genuine.]

You're not my first one night stand, Barnes. Not even my first guy. We're fine.

Clearly.

[He packs the bandages away, and at least that's a relief. Funny how things ended up just about the opposite way he'd have expected. He and Clint sorted themselves out pretty easily, whereas Natasha... Well, he hasn't talked to her since he found out what she's been hiding from him.]

Good. I'll swing by with some takeout later if you want?

Takeout would be good actually. I'm not really feeling up to heading into town and... [Cooking would mean facing Coulson at least, and maybe Natasha.]

Have you spoken to her?

[Bucky just nods, and doesn't press him to finish the thought. He gets to his feet but the question stops him, and Clint gets a tense moment of silence in response.]

...We talked. Last I saw her, she wasn't any happier about this than you are, if that's what you're asking.

[Oh, silence. That's really not a good silence. Guess they were both in the doghouse.]

I wasn't. I was asking how you were with this whole thing and if this is the only thing you talked about.

[Bucky's eyes narrow a fraction. His mind goes to the Winter Soldier first, but that's been on his mind a lot lately, and he doesn't want to jump to conclusions.]

What else would we talk about?

[That's enough of a tell to make him think that they have spoken about certain things. He chooses his words carefully.]

We might be going back home soon, if Stark's toy works out.

You might be.

[He folds his arms across his chest, drops his gaze and shakes his head once. He's a soldier, not a spy. There's only so much reading between the lines he's gonna try to do.]

She told you, didn't she? How she knows me.

[Clint gives a sharp nod.]

Enough for me to piece things together. I know more about her past than probably anyone else, and even then, there's plenty that I don't know.

But I recognised something when I saw you two talking. She was... easy around you.

Edited 2013-03-12 21:46 (UTC)

[Bucky nods.] Fighting with her, against her, everything felt... familiar, and I thought it was just - you know, a schoolboy crush or something. Maybe a little of it was. I didn't know anything about her.

[He pinches the bridge of his nose.] We haven't talked since she told me. I don't know what to say to her anymore. But I'm starting to get it, you know? Why she kept it all a secret.

You taught her. Or will teach her. God that's confusing. There's enough of your style in her that you recognise it.

And it's not an easy idea to swallow. What will happen to you. But it's already happened.

[Clint gives a small smile and shakes his head.]

We're kind of pathetic, the two of us. Ridiculous.

Exactly.

And it's not just that... that I'm gonna wake up a monster one day. I taught her. Or I will.

[He gives a soft, utterly humorless laugh.] I thought dying at 23 was pretty bad. I used to have nightmares about that fall. Now I kinda wish it was the end of everything. I don't want to live long enough to turn against everything I ever believed in and teach a little girl how to kill for it, too.

[He hasn't said this to anyone, but it feels like once Clint gets him talking he can't stop.]

You won't be a monster. A monster is someone who made a choice. You never had one. Neither did she.

[He reaches out, clasping Bucky's shoulder. And it's horrible what happened, no-one could disagree, but his feelings are conflicted on the matter.]

For what it's worth, part of me is grateful. If you hadn't been there... it's selfish, but I'm never going to regret what brought Natasha to me. Makes me an asshole but...

[He nods, but doesn't say anything to the first part.]

Some good came out of it. [He finishes for Clint, numbly. He breathes slowly and tries to pull himself back together. He even manages a smile.] And anyway, it's no use getting all worked up over something that hasn't even happened yet, right?

I ought to get going. Pretty sure you have a nap to get to.

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