asthehawkflies | [#000] Appointments

"I'm sorry." Because someone should say it, and the Malnosso definitely won't, especially considering that this is an annual event for them. "But it doesn't have to turn out poorly."

Or at least not any more so than it already has. Pepper presses her lips into a tight line when Clint admits that the time away hasn't really provided him with the relief he'd hoped for. "Is that because of what Natasha admitted to you, after? That she didn't regret it?"

He shakes his head, staring down at the ground. "Don't see how it can turn out any other way right now." He wasn't sure how to fix it, and people had already been hurt because of him. And he had no clue what he was doing right now.

He doesn't reply for a long moment, turning her words over in his mind. "We've always had a very particular relationship. I mean, maybe I thought about it being different once, back when we first met but... I know what we have now, or what we did have. And it's... it's been the thing I can count on, the one solid thing. And this changes everything."

"I think that's because you're so worried about losing what you do have." To Pepper it sounds as if Clint is idealizing the way his relationship with Natasha had been. "But it doesn't have to be that or nothing at all, you know.

"People change. Their relationships change, but that doesn't make it a bad thing." She crouches down to meet his eyes, as Clint remains determined to stare at the floor. "You can grow stronger because of it. Maybe as a couple if that's what you want, or as friends. But those sorts of bonds don't just happen. They have to be developed, and worked on."

He doesn't have a response to that. "I can't lose her, Pepper." Coulson was here, true, but Natasha was the person who understood him and accepted him without reservation. "She's my home."

He keeps his gaze stubbornly averted for a long moment but he doesn't have much choice when she crouches down next to him. What she says, it makes sense and it isn't as though he can avoid her forever. Wouldn't want to, even if he could. "I missed her so much while I was away. I just... I don't know what I want."

“You haven’t.” As certain as Clint was of his need, Pepper’s just as sure that it isn’t too late for the two of them to mend this somehow. Regardless of what they ended up being, they weren’t done, split irrevocably into one and the other. Not yet. “That’s the thing about connections these. They’re hard to build, but they don’t break easily.”

She lightly rests a hand on one of his knees, looking at him with sympathy when he expresses his confusion. “That I can’t tell you. I guess the only thing I can say is to be careful; it’s pretty easy to get mixed up when you’re so afraid.”

Despite everything, he believes her. She manages to cut through the panic and force him to think a little more clearly. "You- you're right," he said after a moment, feeling a little like a weight had dropped from his shoulders. "Everything we've been through, it means more than that." They couldn't be broken so easily.

He gives her a tight little smile and nods. "I just need to get things back to a level, I guess. Stop reeling from one emergency to another."

She’s glad to see that relief; if Clint believes they could work through what had happened, maybe he’ll find it easier to talk to Natasha again instead of running. Pepper nods her agreement, a small, encouraging smile playing over her lips. “I know the last thing either of you wants is to lose each other because of the Malnosso.”

A group which has taken far more than it should without being offered more.

Unfortunately, his prescribed solution comes with a time limit; Pepper knows it’s not a matter of if the Malnosso do something horrible again, but how long until they do. “Let me know if I can help with that somehow. You know just how much they love their periodic experiments.” It isn’t a happy thought. “At least the last shift only happens once a year.”

He gives a wry smile at that and nods. "We've survived war zones and drug trafficking rings, not to mention things I can't tell you because you don't have clearance. Letting the Mallnosso break us up would be... well. I don't think I could live with myself." They'd already taken too much. Taken his aim, his balance.

"It's... I think I have to do it for myself. Need to repair things before I can even think about changing them. It's just... complicated. There's Saori too." He shakes his head. He just doesn't know. "I think next time I'm following Adele's example and heading for the hills."

That, at least, is the right attitude to take. For all they lose in Luceti, and all they suffer, none of them needs to hand over anything more.

The mention of Saori makes Pepper's eyes widen, because yes, that does make things very complicated. "Are you and she still together?" Though Pepper's never met the woman personally, she doesn't have to know her to know that whatever happens will be all the more difficult.

She shakes her head at the talk of running, however. "It doesn't matter if people run. People have tried in the past. If a shift is going to affect someone, then it will, no matter where they." That Adele had apparently not been caught by this last one simply meant she'd been fortunate.

"Yeah, I am. A relationship lasted for more than a week before the other person ran away. I'm as surprised as you are." His words are a little harsh, bitter and it's not Pepper he's angry at just... "She's very sweet. I do like her."

Damn, he'd hoped that running would make the Malnosso overlook things maybe. Perhaps that was naive. "At least I wouldn't be around other people for the duration. Might at least keep things from getting too complicated."

“I’m not surprised at all.”  Although she doesn’t know Clint that well, she’s seen enough to be certain that he’s a good man.  So she won’t let that bitter comment slip by, even fully aware that the bite behind it isn’t meant for her.  “And I think that if certain people heard you say that, they’d have some very firm words about why you’re wrong.”

Or possibly more than words, in Natasha’s case.

Pepper nods, but in truth the talk of avoiding either the effects of the Malnosso’s shifts or people during them is a distraction.  “It’s important to like the person you’re with—and to be with them because you want to be together.  Staying with someone just to avoid hurting them never works for very long.”

Because something about how Clint calls Saori sweet makes her wonder if there’s more than attraction in play.  He’s done worse things because he’s felt guilty before.

"You'd be the first," he replied with a dismissive shrug. There were plenty of people who would be shocked to learn that. Relationships had never been a priority and his track record was patchy at best. He does give a small smile at that. Tasha and Coulson would be the ones with stern words, he was sure.

He gives her a sharp look at that, frowning slightly. "I do like her. I care about her. I'm not-" He didn't know what he wanted and he hated being off balance like this.

“I think you’re underestimating what other people might see in you.” Both in terms of having a relationship, and wanting to be in one with him. Even if there are plenty of people who might be surprised, Clint’s shown his loyalty and his commitment to other things. But she relaxes a moment later, the corner of her mouth curving up in a grin. “Then again, I am the one who got Tony Stark to settle down. So my perspective might be a bit—unique.”

After all, how many people would believe the life-long playboy could make it two years and counting with the same woman?

Clint goes defensive then, and Pepper raises her hands, the gesture apologetic. “Alright. I know you probably don’t want to hear it, but you still should. And in that same line of thought? Whatever you decide, there’s probably going to be hurt feelings. But it’s better to decide, instead of trying to put that off. Not to say you have to make your choice in the next five minutes; it’s just something to keep in mind.”

Edited 2013-03-29 21:46 (UTC)

He can't help but give a soft laugh at that, giving her a strained smile. "Yeah well, have to say that came as a bit of a surprise," he admitted. "He didn't seem like the settling type. Tasha gave me the details on that mission, what she could anyway." He'd enjoyed listening to her rant about what was going on while he was stuck in the middle of Nowheresville, New Mexico.

"I knew there was a reason why I tried to avoid romance," he replied wryly. Too many chances to throw him off balance. Too much risk of getting hurt in ways he wasn't used to dealing with. "I'll decide. I can't leave things how they are. I just... need to figure it out for myself."

"He wasn't." There's no point in mincing words; Tony had been wild back then. He still is, honestly, though it manifests itself in other ways. At mention of the time when Natasha had been set up as a spy, however, Pepper frowns. "Those circumstances were especially bad. Worse than normal by far, even for Tony."

And thank goodness for that.

She nods when he says he needs time, glad for the show of resolve. "Sure. I know it isn't easy." Caught caring for two people, and suddenly so afraid of losing one who means a great deal. It isn't an easy position at all, and Pepper doesn't envy Clint for it.

[#000] Appointments

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