asthehawkflies | [#000] Appointments

It wasn't actually the first message she'd left for Clint since hearing he'd gone on a mission, or even a day when they were scheduled to meet. But that didn't stop Pepper from trying to reach Clint over the journal, or from stopping by his apartment an hour or so after. She didn't actually know whether or not he'd be home, but she was determined to talk to him, sooner rather than later.

"Clint? Are you there?" Pepper breathed out a quiet sigh as she waited for a response. Honestly, the whole conversation probably would be unwelcome, and Natasha might even get irritated at her for having it. But ever since they'd talked at the bar, she had wanted to hear Clint's side of things. They were both her friends, and Pepper had seen hints of how close they were to each other. The last thing she wanted was for something the Malnosso had done to make that fall apart.

It wasn't so much that he was ignoring the messages, just that he was ignoring the journal altogether. He'd left it shoved into his bag which was shoved under the bed, packed with fresh clothes and supplies just in case.

It's Lucky's warning bark that drags him out of his room when there's a knock on the door, because he'd probably have ignored it otherwise, but he doesn't want people to get annoyed by the dog. He wavers for a moment, uncertain whether he even wants to answer it, but he doesn't doubt that Coulson will hear about it if he ignored Pepper.

He pulls open the door, not meeting her eyes, his shirt open because doing up the buttons seemed like unnecessary hassle when it hurt so much. "Pepper. You need something?"

"Yes, actually. I need to talk to you." While Clint doesn't qualify as the sharpest dresser she's seen, the unbuttoned shirt almost borders on slovenly. The reason for it's fairly easy to see, given the injuries she can see, and whatever ones must be under the bandages.

"May I come in?" Perhaps even more telling, however, is the way he refuses to look at her directly. Though she's certain of the reason, Pepper doesn't act on those assumptions. Clint deserves his chance to speak, and maybe he needs to talk to someone. She has no idea what he's done or who else may have confronted him about the issue. Pepper will at least wait to ask him before she lets her opinions and her emotions get the better of her.

"Oh." He blinks at that, looking surprised, because this seems like something serious and he hadn't exactly announced that he was back. Hell, he hadn't even announced that he was going away. He wasn't sure what he could even do like this, although he'd push himself if necessary.

"Uh, sure, of course." He steps aside to let her inside. The apartment at least is as neat as ever and he closes the door behind them both. "What did you need? Is it about Tony's thing?" The project he's been working on with Jane Foster.

She moves into the room, glad at least that it’s just Clint dressing differently and not something manifesting itself through a lack of care. At his question she shakes her head, turning around to face him. She figures it’s better to jump right in this time; it’d been a little like pulling teeth to get Natasha to talk about it, and while Pepper doesn’t want to hurt Clint, she also doesn’t want another bout of total evasiveness to fight through. “No. It’s about your and Natasha’s thing during Valentine’s.”

That's about as blunt and undiplomatic as he's ever heard Pepper be and he blanches at her words, his expression hardening. He goes to slump on the couch, or at least, he tries to slump but ends up sitting somewhat gingerly, propping himself up on the cushions because slumping hurts right now.

"I don't see how it's any of your business."

"It probably isn't." Pepper's willing enough to agree with that, but the awareness of that fact isn't stopping her. She watches Clint drop down onto the couch, or at least make the attempt to before his injuries make him think better of it. She sighs quietly, nodding toward the bandages.

"Please tell me a doctor has seen those." Almost immediately after she says it, however, Pepper ammends the request. "Wait. Only tell me that if it's the truth." Because Clint's on the defensive now, and she wouldn't be surprised if he echoed the words simply to drop that much of the topic.

So of course she's still going to get involved. Of course. He manages to get comfortable and glances up at her when she asks, giving a small shrug. "Barnes came 'round and wrapped them. They're clean. They'll heal up fine." Assuming he managed to avoid doing any more damage until then. He doesn't feel like going to a doctor. Doesn't much feel like seeing anyone at all.

Of course. They both her friends, and they clearly mean a great deal to each other. But Pepper's honestly afraid that they both might just continue to run away from each other, be it by escaping on missions or hiding harder truths. She doesn't want to see that happen.

"They could heal sooner." That at least she tries to say gently, more as an offer than a criticism.

He gives her a quick glance, reluctant, because it feels like it's cheating somehow. Medical is fine; he still has to work for that, it takes time, but healing? Besides, it feels like admitting that he'd screwed up. It's irrational, but that's how it feels. "I'm fine. I don't like relying on it. It'll just take a few days."

"So you'd rather be in pain and stuck in your apartment." Yes, Clint's reasoning is incredibly irrational, and Pepper presses her lips together in a tight line after she makes sure to point it out. But she can't heal him if he won't let her; resistance turns into a hindrance, and a moment later she sighs quietly.

"The offer stands if you change your mind." Pepper's not sure if this is better or worse than finding Natasha in Good Spirits, attempting to drown herself in tequila. "Which brings me back to the reason I came here. What's going on with you and Natasha?"

Edited 2013-03-12 23:56 (UTC)

"I've had worse." And that is entirely not an answer but the real answer, that yes, he kind of would prefer it, is probably a million miles from what Pepper wants to hear right now. "It's not a problem. I'll just... take some painkillers if I need to."

His expression hardens at the question, and he goes still and tense and uncomfortable. More uncomfortable. "Nothing's going on."

Somehow Pepper doubts Clint will, but she nods regardless. One battle lost in favor of fighting another, and she doesn't miss how he stiffens when she circles the conversation around. It's hard not to react to that defensiveness, especially after her conversation with Natasha at the bar, but she reminds herself that Clint has his own perspective on things.

So she tries to keep her voice even, her tone neutral. She doesn't want tempers to flare, hers or Clint's, or to do more harm than good. "Are you sure? She said you left to clear your head after that Shift."

Edited 2013-03-13 00:29 (UTC)

He probably won't. Normal pills wouldn't do much good and anything stronger would leave him impaired. He feels confused enough without adding drugs into the mix.

He lets out a soft sigh when she speaks, shoulders slumping. "After that shift, I'm surprised that more people weren't clearing out to do the same."

"Well, it sounds like they got you particularly good." As opposed to Pepper, who had at the end been proposed to by the man she loves, or established couples like Eugene and Jack who came together in front of God, friends, and a robotic Elvis impersonator. Clint, however, had been thrown together with his partner and his closest friend, only to have the unquestionable rightness of those feelings vanish in favor of his confusion.

"Did it help?" Not just leaving, but getting into whatever situation resulted in his assorted bruises and breaks. She hopes so, that he'd been able to find some clarity so the results would be worth their cause.

Edited 2013-03-13 01:08 (UTC)

"Yeah, they really did," he said, an edge of bitterness entering his voice. They'd managed to turn everything he knew upside down, taken away his stability, the people he relied upon to keep him steady, to ground him. And he didn't even know where he stood with them now.

He gave her a long look and then after a moment shook his head. "No. Just gave me too much time to think and tie myself into knots over this whole deal."

"I'm sorry." Because someone should say it, and the Malnosso definitely won't, especially considering that this is an annual event for them. "But it doesn't have to turn out poorly."

Or at least not any more so than it already has. Pepper presses her lips into a tight line when Clint admits that the time away hasn't really provided him with the relief he'd hoped for. "Is that because of what Natasha admitted to you, after? That she didn't regret it?"

He shakes his head, staring down at the ground. "Don't see how it can turn out any other way right now." He wasn't sure how to fix it, and people had already been hurt because of him. And he had no clue what he was doing right now.

He doesn't reply for a long moment, turning her words over in his mind. "We've always had a very particular relationship. I mean, maybe I thought about it being different once, back when we first met but... I know what we have now, or what we did have. And it's... it's been the thing I can count on, the one solid thing. And this changes everything."

"I think that's because you're so worried about losing what you do have." To Pepper it sounds as if Clint is idealizing the way his relationship with Natasha had been. "But it doesn't have to be that or nothing at all, you know.

"People change. Their relationships change, but that doesn't make it a bad thing." She crouches down to meet his eyes, as Clint remains determined to stare at the floor. "You can grow stronger because of it. Maybe as a couple if that's what you want, or as friends. But those sorts of bonds don't just happen. They have to be developed, and worked on."

He doesn't have a response to that. "I can't lose her, Pepper." Coulson was here, true, but Natasha was the person who understood him and accepted him without reservation. "She's my home."

He keeps his gaze stubbornly averted for a long moment but he doesn't have much choice when she crouches down next to him. What she says, it makes sense and it isn't as though he can avoid her forever. Wouldn't want to, even if he could. "I missed her so much while I was away. I just... I don't know what I want."

“You haven’t.” As certain as Clint was of his need, Pepper’s just as sure that it isn’t too late for the two of them to mend this somehow. Regardless of what they ended up being, they weren’t done, split irrevocably into one and the other. Not yet. “That’s the thing about connections these. They’re hard to build, but they don’t break easily.”

She lightly rests a hand on one of his knees, looking at him with sympathy when he expresses his confusion. “That I can’t tell you. I guess the only thing I can say is to be careful; it’s pretty easy to get mixed up when you’re so afraid.”

Despite everything, he believes her. She manages to cut through the panic and force him to think a little more clearly. "You- you're right," he said after a moment, feeling a little like a weight had dropped from his shoulders. "Everything we've been through, it means more than that." They couldn't be broken so easily.

He gives her a tight little smile and nods. "I just need to get things back to a level, I guess. Stop reeling from one emergency to another."

She’s glad to see that relief; if Clint believes they could work through what had happened, maybe he’ll find it easier to talk to Natasha again instead of running. Pepper nods her agreement, a small, encouraging smile playing over her lips. “I know the last thing either of you wants is to lose each other because of the Malnosso.”

A group which has taken far more than it should without being offered more.

Unfortunately, his prescribed solution comes with a time limit; Pepper knows it’s not a matter of if the Malnosso do something horrible again, but how long until they do. “Let me know if I can help with that somehow. You know just how much they love their periodic experiments.” It isn’t a happy thought. “At least the last shift only happens once a year.”

He gives a wry smile at that and nods. "We've survived war zones and drug trafficking rings, not to mention things I can't tell you because you don't have clearance. Letting the Mallnosso break us up would be... well. I don't think I could live with myself." They'd already taken too much. Taken his aim, his balance.

"It's... I think I have to do it for myself. Need to repair things before I can even think about changing them. It's just... complicated. There's Saori too." He shakes his head. He just doesn't know. "I think next time I'm following Adele's example and heading for the hills."

That, at least, is the right attitude to take. For all they lose in Luceti, and all they suffer, none of them needs to hand over anything more.

The mention of Saori makes Pepper's eyes widen, because yes, that does make things very complicated. "Are you and she still together?" Though Pepper's never met the woman personally, she doesn't have to know her to know that whatever happens will be all the more difficult.

She shakes her head at the talk of running, however. "It doesn't matter if people run. People have tried in the past. If a shift is going to affect someone, then it will, no matter where they." That Adele had apparently not been caught by this last one simply meant she'd been fortunate.

[#000] Appointments

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